Just Cut the Wire
by Josephine L. Kren
Summary: Steve, Tony, and the sacrifice play. Because really, if they weren't so annoyingly selfless, they would be just plain annoying. Our two favorite heroes are at it again, and it's up to the more logical and practical-and far less dramatic-Clint to propose a far easier, if less selfless, solution. Oneshot.


**Disclaimer: I don't own Avengers. If I did, I would totally be smart enough to write an amusing disclaimer.**

**A/N: Well, I'm back! With...a funny oneshot. Sorry about that. I'm probably going to take down Avengers 2.0 for the time being, as I don't feel I'm reliable enough to consistently work on a chapter story. But, I'm going to start trying to post more oneshots, so watch for those if you like.**

**This happened because of How It Should've Ended: Captain America and a late night discussion on whether Tony could have thrown the missile through the portal at the end of Avengers. And also because, really, they're both way to selfless, no matter how much Tony tries to pretend he's not. And Clint is in here too because he's awesome, and because he seems like a very practical guy. So, enjoy, and remember that this is really not meant to be taken seriously. At all.**

"Well, shit," Tony muttered, staring at the bomb lying in the tunnel. "Hello? Is anyone there?" he asked into the comm.

"Ironman? What's going on?" demanded Steve sharply. "Is everything okay?"

"Yes, Capsicle, everything is fine and dandy," Tony said sarcastically. "There's just the slight problem of the huge bomb in front of me that's going to blow up this city in two hours."

"I'm on my way," the Captain said. "And, Stark? Don't do anything stupid until I get there."

"Yeah, wouldn't want you to miss anything," Tony snapped back. "It's not like this is a pressing concern or anything, right?"

"Well, you have got two hours," Hawkeye threw in. "We've got time to plan things out..."

"Just stay up here, Barton!" snapped Steve. "Tony and I will deal with this."

"Alright, alright!" Clint said, rolling his eyes. Turning to shoot the next random enemy-he couldn't remember if they were dealing with aliens or mutants this week, and he didn't particularly care-he muttered, "Damn heroes."

o.O.o

"We've got to get this bomb to the ocean. If we get it out there, it won't hurt anything when it detonates," snapped Steve. The bomb counter was now down to ten minutes, since it had taken Steve a long time to get there. This delay had involved fighting the supervillain of the day. It may have also included kissing his love interest for no apparent reason, but we don't talk about that. The point is, Tony and Steve were now very low on time to do something about the bomb.

"Alright then." Tony took a deep breath. "I'll fly it out there."

"But Tony," Steve said, "Since I took forever to get here and I wouldn't let you deal with this on your own, even though you would be completely capable, you won't have time to get out of the blast radius before the bomb goes off! You'll die! Let me do it. I can swim into the ocean or borrow a boat or something to get out there."

"No! You're Captain America, Spangles. You can't die. You're important to this country."

"Oh, and you aren't?"

"I'm just a weapons manufacturer, Cap. They'll get over it. But you, you're a national icon! You would cause a complete morale drop for everybody. I should do this."

"Tony, what about Pepper? You can't just leave her!"

"She'll understand. She'll miss me, but she'll accept that I had to do this."

"That's not what I meant! Tony, your dame is scary. If I let you sacrifice yourself, she's going to impale me with one of her stilettos."

"...That's actually true. But I still have to do this, Steve. Tell Pepper I love her." Tony took a deep breath and approached the bomb, but Steve blocked his way.

"No, Tony! I won't let you do this. You have a _life_! I still don't belong here. I should have died seventy years ago, so really, this is just...evening the score."

"Umm...guys?"

"WHAT?!" snapped Steve and Tony, spinning to face Hawkeye.

"How long have you been here, anyway?" demanded Ironman.

"I've been standing in this corner since that thing said eight minutes," Clint said. Looking at the bomb, Steve saw it was down to four minutes.

"We have to get this out of here!" Steve said. "Tony, I'm doing this and you can't stop me!"

"Umm...why are you doing this, exactly?" asked Clint.

Tony narrowed his eyes. "Because this bomb will blow up New York City if we don't get rid of it! Duh."

"Actually, this is Albuquerque," Clint pointed out. "I don't know why you guys are always assuming we're in New York. The fact that we're in New Mexico kind of ruins the ocean idea, but that doesn't really matter."

"What do you mean it doesn't matter?!" Tony demanded. "Anyway, the fact we're in Arizona settles it. I'll have to fly the bomb straight up! _I_ have to do this, and Steve can't!"

"We're in _New Mexico_," Clint corrected through gritted teeth. "But that isn't the point. Why don't you just _cut the wire_?"

"...What?"

"_Cut the damn wire, Tony_," Clint seethed, pointing to a prominent wire that clearly controlled the bomb.

"Oh...right." Tony frowned. "What can I cut it with?"

"I'll cut it with my shield!" Steve cheerfully declared.

"Your shield isn't sharp, Captain Spangles! I'll use a repulsor."

"That won't work any better!"

Clint rolled his eyes again. He seemed to be doing that a lot lately. "Why do I have to do everything myself?!" he growled. Stepping forward, Clint pulled an arrow out of his quiver and sliced easily through the wire. The countdown clock instantly froze at two minutes.

"Well, that was easy," Clint said, stepping away.

"My dad always cared more about you then he did about _me_! His own son!"

"Don't say that! Howard was a good man! You would be lucky to be half as good as him!"

"Dammit," Clint cursed, "Why didn't I let them sacrifice themselves when I had the chance?"


End file.
